matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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