Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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