Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
