I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
