Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
