Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
