Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A bitchslap is in order.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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