hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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