I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize