Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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