TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
