My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
