I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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