Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
