When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize