wrigley field is MILF paradise
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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