I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize