Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
