it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
