im six kinds of drunk right now
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
