just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he puts the penis in happiness.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
