maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
