is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
