He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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