sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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