I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
