I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize