I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
