I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
false alarm. still invincible.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
