Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude. I can hear the air.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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