4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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