dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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