I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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