You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
