i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
