We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
