Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
