Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
