I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
