During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
