Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
