Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Someone shit on the floor
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
