i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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