I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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