The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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