If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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