Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need a beard to bite.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
