is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize