I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
