I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
