I have surprise drugs for everyone
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
