I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
