D3 body, D1 cock
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
