You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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