Need sex. Gaining weight.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
