final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
