Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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