I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
