Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
