Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Nicole vs. Life
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
