I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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