I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
