you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
