Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
