She is in my trunk
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
