I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
