I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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