cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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