fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
