so that wasnt chicken after all
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
