Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need water and some morals
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