do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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