he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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