You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I see more hoeing in ur future
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