is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
