I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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