the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize