Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
