so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
