Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize