Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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