He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
