Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
