so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize